Captain Zero's Zeroes

Ever wonder what a roster would look like, comprised entirely of the worst players to have ever suited up? Wonder no longer.

STARTING LINEUP	Pos	Year	Team	HR	RBI	SB	BA	OBP	SLG	OPS+
Brad Ausmus	C	2006	HOU	2	39	3	.230	.308	.285	54
Ivy Griffin	1B	1920	PHA	0	20	3	.238	.281	.274	47
Bill Hallman	2B	1901	CLE-PHI	0	41	13	.185	.238	.235	36
Art Scharein	3B	1933	SLB	0	26	7	.204	.269	.244	34
Jim Levey	SS	1933	SLB	2	36	4	.195	.237	.240	24
Brian Hunter	LF	1999	DET-SEA	4	34	44	.232	.280	.301	48
Willy Taveras	CF	2008	COL	1	26	68	.251	.308	.296	56
Earl McNeely	RF	1928	SLB	0	44	8	.236	.299	.319	60
Skeeter Newsome	DH	1936	PHA	0	46	13	.225	.266	.265	33
"Bench"	Pos	Year	Team	HR	RBI	SB	BA	OBP	SLG	OPS+
Jim Sundberg	C	1975	TEX	6	36	3	.199	.283	.256	55
Billy Hunter	2S	1953	SLB	1	37	3	.219	.253	.259	37
Hunter Hill	13	1904	SLB-WSH	0	31	14	.204	.236	.226	49
George Barclay	OF	1904	STL-BSN	1	38	17	.205	.241	.254	55
Michael Bourn	OF	2008	HOU	5	29	41	.229	.288	.300	57
Average (Min 502 PA)				2	35	17	.218	.271	.268	46.1
ROTATION	Pos	Year	Team	W	L	IP	K	WHIP	ERA	ERA+
Jose Lima	SP	2005	KCR	5	16	169	80	1.66	6.99	63
Dan Griner	SP	1913	STL	10	22	225	79	1.53	5.08	64
Irv Young	SP	1907	BSN	10	23	245	86	1.41	3.96	64
Hal Gregg	SP	1944	BRO	9	16	198	92	1.71	5.46	65
Eric Milton	SP	2005	CIN	8	15	186	123	1.55	6.47	66
Average (Min. 30 GS)				8	18	205	92	1.57	5.59	64.4
BULLPEN	Pos	Year	Team	W	L	SV	K/9	WHIP	ERA	ERA+
Vic Darensbourg	LG	1999	FLA	0	1	0	4.15	2.05	8.83	49
Ron Davis	SU	1986	MIN-CHC	2	8	2	6.14	2.01	8.59	49
Lee Guetterman	SU	1992	NYY-NYM	4	5	2	2.73	1.80	7.09	51
Jose Mesa	CL	2003	PHI	5	7	24	6.98	1.76	6.52	61
Derrick Turnbow	CL	2006	MIL	4	9	24	11.02	1.69	6.87	66
Mike Williams	CL	2003	PIT-PHI	1	7	28	5.57	1.70	6.14	69
Average (Min. 50 GR)				3	6.2	13	6.1	1.84	7.34	57.5

You'll probably notice a few things about this team:

• first of all, several of these players were traded mid-season (no surprise), but also that it includes the left side of the infield for the 1933 St. Louis Browns. You'd think that with those clunkers draining valuable VORP for 500+ PAs, the Browns wouldn't be such a good team, but they actually won the pennant that year! Just kidding, they finished dead last.
• Also interesting is the fact that Jose Mesa appears both on this list, AND on the list of top 3 closers' ERA+ seasons!
• Speedsters Willy Taveras, Brian Hunter and Michael Bourn all spent the bulks of their careers with the Astros.